I LOVE YOU XIAO YI

13 December 2010

This was the day death took place right in front of me.
It was so close, so silent, so peaceful.

Death wasn't as scary as I had always thought about.
I guess letting go just wasn't something easy.
It wasn't easy for us, neither was it for Xiao Yi.

Death wasn't her, she is still here in my heart.
There will be this part of me that's definetely missing.
And nobody else can ever fill this part up.
It just felt like she's gone to a faraway place, never to be back again.
Everywhere I turn, anywhere I went, anything I did.
Memories of her just surfaced from somewhere deep within.

There's so much that I want to do with her.
So many places she wanted to bring us to.
So much food to taste.
So many things to do.

There are bound to be regrats. But at least we were with her on her last journey.
The peck I gave her...
Her hands I held...
The smile she gave so sweet...
The little jokes she managed to crack...
Her actions so cute...
All these were seen while she was lying in hospital... so weak... so fregile...
And these... were my last memories of her.

Xiao Yi, I miss you so so much...

Xiao Yi's condition is not really very well. She getting better a little and then smt will just pull her health down again. We are praying hard for a miracle to happen. I'm not really sure that this miracle will occur, but we hope that our faith will pull through.

Really really want her to get well soon. We are all waiting for her to bring us out for prata, see ah gua; eat good food, have fun; and also go shopping, hopefully to Korea (:


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nex is opened and it had a CINEMA.
My nails are painted in 5 different colours.
I had my favorite 馒头 for supper.


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Ring Ding Dong

SHINee - Ring Ding Dong

Baby
네게 반해 버린 내게 왜 이래
두렵다고 물러서지 말고
그냥 내게 맡겨봐라 어때
My lady

Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi Ding Diggi Ding Ding Ding
(x4)

Butterfly
너를 만난 첫 순간
눈이 번쩍 머린 Stop
벨이 딩동 울렸어

난 말야 멋진놈
착한놈 그런 놈은 아니지만
나름대로 괜찮은 Bad Boy

너도 마치 butterfly
너무 약해 빠졌어
너무 순해 빠졌어
널 곁에 둬야겠어
더는 걱정마 걱정마
나만 믿어보면 되잖아
니가 너무 맘에 들어
놓칠 수 없는 걸

Baby
내가 가슴을 멈출 수 oh crazy
너무 예뻐 견딜 수 oh crazy
너 아니면 필요없다 crazy
나 왜 이래

We wanna go rocka rocka
rocka rocka rocka
So fantastic
So elastic

fantastic fantastic
fantastic fantastic
elastic elastic
elastic elastic

Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi DingDiggi Ding Ding Ding
(오직 너만 들린다)
Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi DingDiggi Ding Ding Ding
(머리속에 울린다)
Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi DingDiggi Ding Ding Ding
(내 가슴에 울린다)
Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi DingDiggi Ding Ding Ding

I call you butterfly
날이 가면 갈수록
못이 박혀 너란 걸
헤어날 수 없다는 걸

나를 선택해
(돌이키지 말고)
선택해
(도망가지 말고)
네게 빠진 바보인 나
날 책임 져야 돼

Baby
내가 가슴을 멈출 수 oh crazy
너무 예뻐 견딜 수 oh crazy
너 아니면 필요없다 crazy
나 왜 이래

난 착하디 착한증후군이 걸린
너를 이해 못 하겠다
넌 가끔씩 그런 고정이미지를
탈피 이탈해봐 괜찮다

Break out (hey)
Break out (hey)
Break out (hey)
Break out (hey)

Ding Ding Ding Ding
Dong Dong Dong Dong

사실 난 불안해
어떻게 날 보는지
어쩌면 어쩌면
내게 호감을 갖고 있는지 몰라
이토록 안절부절
할 수밖에 없어
돌이킬 수 없는 걸

Complicated girl
절대 NO란 대답하지 마
나 괜찮은 남자란 걸
내가 미쳐버릴지 몰라
Don’t be silly girl (silly girl)
you’re my miracle (my miracle)
너만 가질 수 있다면
내겐 다 필요없는 걸

Baby
내가 가슴을 멈출 수 oh crazy
너무 예뻐 견딜 수 oh crazy
너 아니면 필요없다 crazy
나 왜 이래

We wanna go rocka rocka
rocka rocka rocka
So fantastic
So elastic

fantastic fantastic
fantastic fantastic
elastic elastic
elastic elastic

Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi DingDiggi Ding Ding Ding
(오직 너만 들린다)
Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi DingDiggi Ding Ding Ding
(머리속에 울린다)
Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi DingDiggi Ding Ding Ding
(내 가슴에 울린다)
Ring Ding Dong Ring Ding Dong
Ring Diggi DingDiggi Ding Ding Ding


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Not exactly sure if there's this part of me that's feeling empty, that's waiting for a special someone to fill it up.

Or is it just that it will automatically make room for the special someone when he/she comes along?


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阿门 - By Tank

阿门 - By Tank

请赐给我一颗不会熄灭的星
请赐给我一朵不被淋湿的云
请告诉我的眼睛再等一下就是黎明
请别笑我每天都要跟你谈心

请赐给我一颗不会受伤的心
请赐给我永远用不完的勇气
如果还能说下去请让我在这黑夜里
相信明天 一觉醒来 是个好天气

我不要飞来的运气
也不用比别人荣幸
只求当我在谷底
还有力气疼痛和哭泣
荆棘中还能辨认来时的脚印

我不求变成个奇迹
也不用开创天或地
只求我最迷茫时
还能找到最初的自己
如果我痛到必须要闭上眼睛
就看见你

原来每一颗星熄灭才会再亮
原来每一朵云湿透天才放晴
原来一颗心受伤
是为了要更有勇气
原来勇气因为失去才有了意义

我不要飞来的运气
也不用比别人荣幸
只求当我在谷底
还有力气疼痛和哭泣
荆棘中还能辨认来时的脚印

我不求变成个奇迹
也不用开创天或地
只求我最迷茫时
还能找到最初的自己
如果我痛到必须要闭上眼睛
就看见你

流过的泪留下运气
受过的伤都很荣幸
下一次跌落谷底
就该知道躺下看山顶
何不替眼睛谢谢所有的风景

我存在就是个奇迹
你为我创造天与地
你让我不断迷路
直到找到真正的自己
原来只要我能看见我的真心
就看见你

I woken up with a feeling that I just had a sweet sweet dream (:


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Without Love - Stacie Orrico

The Way of Love

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Tribute to my 5 years old wallet.

Finally... Its a job well done for my wallet!!!

Thanks to this wallet for being with me since my secondary school life till like now... after i got me belated birthday present from Ching Eh, Skinny & Karol.

Just wanna keep a memory that was once with me through so much "wind & rain". Haha

Love you wallet! Thanks for keeping so much of my rubbish for me!!!

(Which CHing Eh totally forbid at least half of its original content from going into my new wallet.)

ANW, Good Byes!!! And I'll love the new wallet as much as this one!!

Kind of disappointed...

Been wanting to post this since my birthday but project just does not spare me the time to do so...

This 19th birthday to me felt like just another normal day...

Before I start, I want to thank my sister and cousin for the only birthdy card and present that they put in effort to do. I wad really touched to tears when I saw the card written in Korean... Thanks much you girls! LOVE YOU GIRLS TTM!

Next is for the birthday cake that I had in school... Thought it's very not creative to buy back another black forest cake... But it still made it felt a little like a birthday for me...

And thanks for all those wishes from FB and SMS... Thank you all!! (:

________________________________________

When I was younger, before pri school, my daddy Would get a HUGH birthday cake for me and I would celebrate with my kindergarden friends. Then in primary school, my birthdays would be celebrated in June holidays which means I don't get to celebrate with my friends at all. Same goes for sec school.

Everytime I see my friends celebrating theirs in school makes me feel like I rather have school on my birthday... At the very least, my friends would do smt special for me...

Smt I rmb deeply was my birthday when I was in sec4. That day we had to go back to get our report book. And that was the first time ever in my life that my friends prepared smt special for me. Though thay tried quite hard to keep it a suprise, it didden really work, but I still act blur... The BIG card was really nice with all the pictures and stuff... And all that they have done... It was a nice feeling :) thanks squatters!!

Then comes poly... Which I think it totally dash all my hope of the perfect, or rather just a nice, simple birthday where I would be given a little surprise and feel so blessed... But NOPE!!! I had to spend it either studying for exams or chionging project... No surpirse, no card, no present.

Well, I have to say that the cake was a surprise to me cuz I did expect a cake but not at the time when the whole course was there... It was a little embaressing but i was happy for that moment. Plus mr wong cut the cake again (:

FYI, THEY(you know who you all are) were choosing my birthday present in front of me... CH just have to spoilt my surprise birthday present which still didden come yet... Hopefully they will still rmb their promise to have it after exams...

Well, I want to be treated like I was special, just a little more treatment then normal people on that special day... Some surprises, some present that you have NO IDEA what it might be but it turned out to be smt you will LOVE ttm... Smt that does not have to be ex but just full of love... Or even just a little effort to make a little birthday card with well wishes that can be kept forever...

But you don't always get what you wanted right...

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Dance ministry

Been busy knitting these few days for skinny's birthday present. Hope it turns out fine :)

Had some thoughts about church dance ministry audition. The audition was last sunday after youth service. Panel was clement and 2 other ladies. There's just this weird feeling talking to someone you know but don't know you. Haahaa. Was nervious. Like DUH!! But not exactly what I expect myself to feel. They made me dance to a song. I did a little rumba but I was so nervious that I think I only did like 6 counts of 4 or smt like that. I could have done more but I guess that part kind of caught me off guard. Then came the Q&A part here and there and I was like trying hard to say what I think I should say. But my vocabulary always don't come to me at the right time as usual. So I was frantically trying to replace words to explain what I want to express. But some of the things I said don't even really made sense to me either. So that's about it I guess.

Did not really feel much after the audition. Well, other then embarressment. Plus Luke was the one who ushered me in and he was like helping outside. Haahaa. Like super pai sei can... Cuz they both are like the 'famous' ppl in PLMC :D feels weird. Idk why. But somehow I don't have that normal feeling that one should have after an audtion. The feeling that u screw up and worry that you won't get picked and stuff. I didden really think about it much till at night. I suppose I just didden really want it too badly, or that I have really just left it up to God to decide my fate. If He wants me to serve Him thru dance then I think He will make a way for me. If not, then I suppose that's not my calling althought I still want to dance badly!!

Hope I can get a reply soon.
What ever the result might be.
Just leave it up to Him.

(P.S listening to S.H.E previous albums now, whatever that's in my iTunes :D just love their songs!)

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5 people outing.

Nerve wreaking day today... Was so worried/anxious about the gathering. Thank God that it was still okey even though there was only the 5 of us there.

Watched kick ass again. Thankfully we - or rather I, did not get my I/C checked again. I suppose watching movie is the only thing to do in town for a grp of ppl who have not met up in ages... Do things tgt without having to communicate. Good Idea right?!

I'm not the type of person who can just come up with a topic to talk to anyone with a snap of my finger. I know Karol could though. Plus the fact that only a few of us are turing up makes me kind of nervious. And I have never gone out with a group of guys alone!!! Eeeeee... But Phew... There were moments of silent, other then that it was still okey. I found that I had more courage to start a topic after much trainging from poly and event training.

Hopefully the next outing, when we have the chance again, that more ppl can get tgt and we can con't to catch up and stay friends forever :D

And to all the guys going in/already in NS, all the best, take care and God bless!



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I am officially year 3!

First day of school is so boring!!!
Spent 1 hour travelling to school.
Spent 1 hour studing in school.
Spent 1 hour travelling back home.

SIANZZZ.

I AM 18 GOING 19!!

Meet up with Lynette today at Plaza Sing. We went for a movie and guess what we watched??

Ans: Kick Ass (M18)
I rate it 4 star for the action, minus 1 star for the vulgarity and exggerated bloodiness.




Anw, we didn't have lunch but rather kept our stomach for NACHOS and POPCORN (mixed, just as we both liked it). We totally just stand outside the entry to the cinema and well, meet a lot of our friends.

BUT... The main focus of this article is that we got checked for I/C, as it was a M18 show, not once... but TWICE!!! like what the??!! And I have to admit it was my fault cuz Lynette say she never ever get checked for age at all, like not even once.

And this was NOT the first time I meet with this situation. There were two time last year, on consecutive days, that I watched NC16 show and I have to show them my I/C. Once was with Cheryl, who also claim that she never get check. AND THE SHOW WAS NC16 and I WAS WAY ABOVE SIXTEEN OF AGE!!!

Like seriously, do I really look like u was some secondary students trying to sneak in to watch a NC16 / M18 movie??? :p But I should be happy that those ppl think I look younger then I am right?? Haha

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Time for a new start :D

Not sure what's with the sudden urge but i just felt like posting a blog post now.
And here are some stuff i want to share :D

First: Yay!! i finally got my data bundle stuff on my iPhone and its finally activated... which means i can use internet wherever i go now... which also means i will be able to blog whenever i feel like it. U know, its rather hard when suddenly u feel like blogging and u have the whole article draft out in your head already but u still have to wait till you are home, turn on the computer, wait for it to start up and finish loading and by the time you got into blogger, u forgot everything or u already dont have the mood to blog... so hopefully i can update my blog more often.

Second: i just realised that my blog was start up,well, partially, for 1t18. Cuz thats what my first post say :D ohhhh.... i really miss the time i had in CJC... It was SUPER FUN! :D and very different from the FUN that i'm enjoying now in poly too. anw, i miss those ppl... and i'm currently discussing with jiaqi now about meeting up again... soon... well next sat... shall see how it goes...

Third: what is it again? haiz i got distracted by my sms, but who cares. so, i just login into my friendster account for fun and found some interesting photos... ahh, my hair was still so long 2 years back... well 2 years ago i was still using friendster.. and now... its total FB...

to end it off... i'm going to go creat a FB event for my outing with ex 1t18 :D

Our Relationship Is Restored

- Jesus restored our relationship with God (John 14:6 Jesus replied, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.)

- Only God can fix our brokenness

- Whatever the world is like, life with God will be different. God has a plan for us (Jeremiah 29:11 For I know what I have planned for you,' says the LORD. 'I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.)

- We are so valuable in God's eyes that He would sent His one and only Son to die for our sins.

- Guilt hinders us from coming to God (John 21:15-17)
Do not let guilt stop us from coming back to God. For God loves us so much. God wants us to come back to Him so that He can fix our brokenness.

And people, please stop SWEARING!!! Stop acting like a "holy potato" in church & at home but start swearing like nobody's business in front of your friends just to fit in. Swearing is not COOL!!! It's not the only way to express yourself.

Easter Sunday 2010

John 20:27
Do not disbelieve, but believe.

Never dismiss the power of the nail that killed Jesus. The nail in Him has cleanse us of our sins that we may be with Jesus in heaven on the right hand side of our Father.

Believe that God can and God will work in our lifes.

Know that there are nails in our life, but believe that God have the power to remove it!

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How to seek your goals

At the cross I bow my knees
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love then this

You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can seperate me now

You tore the vile, You made a way.
When You said that it is done.

___________________________

How to seek your GOD-GIVEN goals?

Gen 39:21-23
...because the Lord was with him. And whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed.

Psa 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Exo 3:12
He replied, "Surely I will be with you...

In Joseph life. It isn't the dream that gets tested. It's the dreamer...

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What are dreams made of?

Rev Christopher Chin

Genesis 37-50 (story of Joseph)

Believe - Go - Transform

Real dreams are made of:
1. Truths from the word of God
- revealing reality of Eternal world vs Earth world
- revealing your true identity in the Eternal world
__________________________

- I am significant!
- I am a child of awesome God!
1 John 3:1-3
1 (See what sort of love the Father has given to us: that we should be called God's children - and indeed we are! For this reason the world does not know us: because it did not know him.
2 Dear friends, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that whenever it is revealed we will be like him, because we will see him just as he is.
3 And everyone who has this hope focused on him purifies himself, just as Jesus is pure).
- I am clothed with His "dosa" light!
- I am given His power!
- I have a destiny to fulfill!
- I am and will be more than conquerors!

2. Mission of salvation in God
- we are the choosen ones by God
- Mission given by the one Messiah
- Save self, people & creation from decay and disstruction

3. Unfolding drama on Earth World that defines identity
- Playing good or bad guys? Central character or the extras?
- Measures by who becomes more like the Messiah and reflects His love (love of God)

REAL DREAMS ARE MADE OF US!!
Believe! - Go! - Transform!

What is LOVE?

As stated in 1 Corinthans 13:4-8
4 Loves suffers long(patient) and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek it's own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.

Eros - passionate love with sensual desire and longing

Phileo - brotherly or friendly love

Storge - natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring

Agape - pure, unconditional love. like the love of GOD

How to grow in love?
1. Don't resist God's love
2. Put God's word first
3. Practice, practice & practice

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10 things I hate about people taking the MRT

1. Healthy people who sits on the priority seats when the train is quite empty but act like they are busy/refuse to give up seat when they see those who are in need.
2. Irritating ACT COOL people, mostly guys, blasting their music while listening with ear piece allowing the WHOLE cabin to be able to sing-a-long with their song.
3. People who just smoked and thus have super bad breath standing beside me and I have no where else to move to so I can only 忍.
4. People who wants to get into the train but refuse to give way to allow those in the train to get out. They push in, others push out. Result = equal force on opposite direction = stationary. In the end... They can't get in and have to wait for the next train.
5. People falling asleep and the head leans towards me.
6. Couple PDA-ing throughout the while journey.
7. People who don't want to move towards the middle of the train cabin.
8. People who just can't say the word "escuse me" but just pushes their way around.
9. Kia-Su people aiming for empty seats and rushing for it the moment someone gets off a seat.
10. People leaning on the WHOLE holding pole when it's damn crowded, causing others to not be able to hold and have support.


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I'm blogging on my iPhone!

Like finally!!! With so many apps to download and stuff, and I have been rather lazy to explore and blah blah blah... But now with Karol getting an iPhone too, I got someone yo spur me on to get new gadgets... Still considering if I should upgrade my plan to iflex plan. The one with data bundle where I get to use Internet where ever and whenever... But it's like $15 more... Still, what would an iPhone be without this function right?? Haizz. Still thinking...

SQUATTERS REUNITE!

Meet with Squatters at Marina Square.
Initial plan was to go play bowling then then meet those who were coming late for lunch after the game.
In the end, we were too hungry that we went Kenny Roger for lunch.
Macaroni and cheese is so addictive!! :D yummyyyy!!
Wanted to go over to my house for a game of MJ.
(seriously, we all always play noob style last time. just anyhow "hu" can liao.)
but in the end a few had to leave and so we went to hougang mall and slack.
only alynn, lin yi, char and me stayed till later and we ended up chatting about what we have been through in the different environment that we were in.

this was then i realise how blessed we were and how protected we were in PL.
where we don't have to learn things the hard way... unlike when we now have to face different people with different faith, values and belief. sometimes u see and hear things that are totally the opposite of what u you were taught. between whats wrong and whats right.

take for example sex before marriage. there are people who i hang out almost everyday that see this matter in a different light. but what we can do is just give our own opinion and accept them for who they are. this is smt that i feel is really different from what we had in PL, where almost everyone share the same value and belief. and this is what we have to learnt when we face the REAL WORLD, where we will have to work with all kinds of people with different thinking. and learn to respect and learn from each other.

life is never perfect... and we can never always be in the shelter - always protected...

I'm a PERFORMER!

NOT A COMPETITOR

was flipping through photo albums yesterday and found many of my pics of me performing.
started ballet when i was 4 or 5 years old. and i quited at around 7 or 8 years old because of a stupid performance which i was a fish with thick eye liner (didn't realise i had eye liner on before i saw the picture) and a fish mouth drawn on with red lip stick. it was really UGLY. but it was stupid of me that i quited ballet just for this stupid reason.

but it didn't ended there. i still continued with chinese dance in pri 1 & 2. which i later changed school and joined sports cca like netball, skipping. brownie was also included. then in secondary school, i joined guitar ensemble which i totally did not benefit much. have no idea why dance did not attracted me that much. maybe cuz there was too much modern which boreds me sometimes.

i was attracted to latin dance when i was in secondary school. my mummy said she will send me to some dance school or get some teacher to teach me but it all ended up with nothing. dancesport totally caught my attention when i got into SP. and i really enjoyed learning this new dance. till now, i would still spin around and do some latin moves out of a sudden while walking around my house even after i left the club.

the thing that i hated badly was how time was not properly spent which was a waste of my time.
and that the club was becoming more and more competitive that the new system really irritated me. and DS was taking up so much of my time that i have no spare time for my own other things. it was not a bad thing that they are more competitive. it was just NOT MY KIND OF THING. i was not born a competitor. I AM A PERFORMER. i enjoy the stage, the audience, the feeling of achievement that i get after every performance. and i hate competition...

Another End, Another Beginning

There goes 2009...
It doesn't feel as if another year has passed.
Guess its the poly calender that had kind of messed up my calender.
Year 2 is going to end real soon but 2010 has already begun.
New year new resolution! But some still remain the same as I still have not fulfill them yet.
and 1 very important one is to: LOSE WEIGHT!!!!
which i thing i have either maintain or maybe even gain.
but who cares! i think food is a very important part of my life that makes it wonderful!

My first movie of the year was AVATAR!
Totally Awesome, Fabulous, Dope!
Like the plot, like the action, like the actors, like the effect!
Totally worth sitting in the cinema for almost 3 hours till my butt went flat.
But i don't really think 3D will make a very big different to the WOW factor that it gave me.
and the 3D glasses took a lot of focus and concentration out of me.
But i don't mind watching it again. not in 3D of course.
RATING: *****
minus a little for the bad trailer as it was all action w/o plot info.
did not get attracted by the trailer, but was fascinated by the avatar/weird creature thing.

Got back 2 of my Mid Sem Test/Exam.
results are good, and hopefully the rest will be too.
and that I can keep that up for End Of Module Test/Exam.

P.S its really not that easy to keep a blog alive. but i have to try as this is a memory of my life as well as a platform to update people whom i don't see very often.

CAN'T WAIT TO MEET UP WITH SQUATTERS TOO!! :D